Frientimacy by Shasta Nelson EPUB & PDF – eBook Details Online
- Status: Available for Free Download
- Author: Shasta Nelson
- Language: English
- Genre: Self-Esteem Self-Help
- Format: PDF / EPUB
- Size: 4.6 MB
- Price: Free
Acknowledging Our Intimacy Gaps
I was about to come face-to-face with one of my intimacy gaps.
Arriving at the café to meet up with my girlfriends, all I felt was
excitement. We hadn’t kept up with our weekly Tuesday girls’ nights
over the holiday season, so we hugged like long-lost friends with a lot
of catching up to do.
In an attempt to encourage more intentional sharing and deeper
connection, I suggested we go around the circle, saying one thing that we
appreciate about our group friendship and one thing we want more of from
the group. Since two of the most important actions in strengthening
friendships are to affirm what we value and to let others know what kind of
support would be meaningful to us, I thought this could be a perfect way to
open our New Year together.
Everyone eagerly answered the question, and the sharing felt really
meaningful. I was touched to hear each person share what she’d like more
of from the group, including: continued understanding for repeatedly
talking about the same problem, asking for more encouragement during a
particularly rough patch, even getting together more often than we already
did.
As they talked, I was thinking ahead to what I would say. I decided to
be truly honest and share that it would feel good to have them initiate
asking about my life a bit more. I often did that for them but didn’t feel they
asked about me quite as frequently—to the extent that I sometimes left our
evenings feeling we’d spent more individual time on everyone else’s life
than on mine.
But my turn to share never came! It was almost comical—right before
my turn everyone got absorbed in stories prompted by the last answer. Like
kids distracted by candy, the conversation ended up veering in another
direction. I kept waiting for one of them to ask me to share. No one did.
On the way home I flip-flopped between licking my wounds and
pretending I didn’t really care. But there was no denying that I felt pity for
myself, frustration toward them, and disappointment in how suddenly these
friendships felt far from fulfilling.
I blamed them. They were clearly selfish, caught up in their own lives,
and unable to fulfill my needs. A few other memories popped up with
confirmation to support that I was always the one who gives, who asks, who
glues us together. I was the amazing friend and they were the problem. The
verdict felt good, so I pushed down the little voice of wisdom and
responsibility that was gearing up to tone down my pity-party.
She would
undoubtedly speak up soon, but I wasn’t ready for her yet. Instead, I just sat
in the disillusionment of the intimacy gap in which I found myself. What I
wanted was the gut-warming feeling of being with amazing people who
loved me; what I had was that gut-wrenching feeling of being neglected.
There was a gap between the friendships I wanted and the friendships I
had.
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