THE WAY I AM NOW (THE WAY I USED TO BE #2) BY AMBER SMITH – eBook Details Online
- Status: Available for Free Download
- Authors: Amber Smith
- Language: English
- Genre: Contemporary romance
- Format: PDF / EPUB
- Size: 3 MB
- Price: Free
EDEN
I’m disappearing again. It starts at the edges, my extremities blurring.
Fingers and toes go staticky and numb with no warning at all. I grip the
edge of the bathroom sink and try to hold myself up, but my hands won’t
work. My arms are weak. And now my knees want to buckle too.
Next, it’s my heart, pumping fast and jagged.
I try to take a breath.
Lungs are cement, heavy and stiff.
I never should have agreed to this. Not yet. Too soon.
I swipe my hand across the steamy mirror, and my reflection fogs over
too quickly. I choke on a laugh or a sob, I can’t tell which, because I really
am disappearing. Literally, figuratively, and every way in between. I’m
almost gone. Closing my eyes tightly, I try to locate one thought—just one
—the thing she said to do when this happens.
Count five things you can see. I open my eyes. Toothbrushes in the
ceramic holder. One. Okay, it’s okay. Two: my phone, there on the counter,
lighting up with a series of texts. Three: a glass of water, blistered with
condensation. Four: the amber prescription bottle full of pills I’m trying so
hard not to need. I look down at my hands, still not right. That’s five.
Four things you can feel. Water dripping off my hair and down my back,
over my shoulders. Smooth tiles slippery under my feet. Starchy towel
wrapped around my damp body. The porcelain sink, cool and hard against
the palms of my tingling hands.
Three sounds. The exhaust fan whirring, the shallow huff and gasp of my
breathing getting faster, and a knock on the bathroom door.
Two smells. Peaches and cream shampoo. Eucalyptus body wash.
One taste. Stinging mint mouthwash with notes of lingering vomit
underneath, making me gag all over again. I swallow hard.
“Fuck’s sake,” I hiss, swiping the mirror again. This time with both
hands, one over the other, scrubbing at the glass. I refuse to give in to this.
Not tonight. I clench my fingers into fists until I can feel my knuckles
crack. I inhale, too sharply, and finally manage to get some air into my
body. “You’re okay,” I exhale. “I’m okay,” I lie.
I’m staring down into the black circle of the drain as my eyes drift back
over to the bottle. Fine. I twist the cap in my useless hands and let one
chalky tablet tumble into my palm. I swallow it, I swallow it good. And
then I down the entire glass of water in one gulp, letting tiny rivulets stream
out of the corners of my mouth, down my neck, not even bothering to wipe
them away.
“Edy?” It’s my mom, knocking on the door again. “Everything all right?
Mara’s here to pick you up.”
“Yeah, I—” My breath catches on the word. “I’m almost ready.”
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