Single Sal by Emmy Love EPUB & PDF – eBook Details Online
- Status: Available for Free Download
- Author: Emmy Love
- Language: English
- Genre: Men, Women & Relationships Humor
- Format: PDF / EPUB
- Size: 2 MB
- Price: Free
Sal
CALL ME SAL, SINGLE Sal. Well, that’s what my friends call me
anyway. As much as I love them, lately that nickname has been really
frizzing my hair! Like, what’s wrong with being single? Then again, who
can blame them. Not once in my twenty-nine years have I been in a serious
relationship. Cue the violin.
Yes, some people pity me because there’s never been a long-term man in
my life. But I’ve also never had to deal with bed hogging, farting, washing
stinky underwear or justifying where I’ve been. No pity for me, thanks. I
am a-okay!
Sigh. Alright, as much as I adore my space, it does get lonely sometimes.
It’s not like I’m butt ugly, batshit crazy (actually that’s debatable), or even
shy. I’m an independent career woman, err … just without the career. Hmm.
Maybe I do want a relationship. Maybe I’m scared, weird or super selective.
Maybe I’m just Single Sal.
The thought of dating strangers freaks me out. Every date I’ve been on
has felt like a job interview to be a cleaner and cook by day and a call girl
by night. And just when I’m convinced that a guy is ready to commit, he
drops me like a hot tortilla except I’m the one who gets burned! After a
while rejection takes its toll, and I get enough of that already in showbiz.
You know what? My friend Piper’s right. I’m not going to find my
soulmate watching reruns of Dr Love in my fat pants every night—it’s time
to swap them for my big girl pants. And that’s why I’m going on a date!
I put on my favorite nineties playlist and dance into the bathroom. I flutter
my false lashes and tilt my face to check my contouring. Carefully I paint
my lips hot pink, the shade of lipstick perfectly matching my cute figurehugging dress. I run my fingers through my long platinum hair and eyeball
myself in the mirror.
“I am girlfriend material.”
“I am girlfriend material.”
“I am girlfriend material.”
The more affirmations I repeat, the more my confidence grows. Who
knew words had so much power?—Well, my old therapist did I guess.
I sway my body to the beat.
“This date is going to go really well.”
“This date is going to go really well.”
Perfectly in time I drop my booty low, thinking I’m Beyonce. Ooh, mm
hm mmm hot, hot. I’m whipping my hair back and forth when I glimpse my
roommate Carlos standing in the living room trying to hold back laughter. I
recoil in shock, clasping a hand to my chest. “How long have you been
standing there?”
“Wayyy too long!” he drawls with an arrogant laugh.
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