It Ended Badly by Jennifer Wright EPUB & PDF – eBook Details Online
- Status: Available for Free Download
- Authors: Jennifer Wright
- Language: English
- Genre: Men, Women & Relationships Humor
- Format: PDF / EPUB
- Size: 2 MB
- Price: Free
Nero
Poppaea
You know what’s amazing? That we become upset when a politician cheats
on his wife. Remember President Bill Clinton? Or would you like to discuss
other of our country’s leaders? And every time we, as a society, react with
distress and disappointment, my heart sings a little. It rejoices because
people actually behave extremely well now. That sense of collective
indignation would not have happened had we lived in ancient Rome. To
those living under the reign of Emperor Nero, the idea of a high-ranking
political figure getting into trouble because they had sex with another
willing adult would be hilarious.
That is because ancient Rome was a world full of nightmares, where
every romance became a horror movie ending in poisoning, murder, suicide,
and, in Nero’s case, what may be the most terrifying rebound in history.
Maybe you could blame a tiny bit of Emperor Nero’s difficulties with
relationships on his parents. Most people learn about relationships from
their parents—how to keep love alive and overcome differences and all of
those good things, but also in some cases how to break up without killing
each other. Sadly, the humane approach was not something Emperor Nero
was taught by his mother, Agrippina the Younger.
Nero has one of those busts that you immediately want to punch in the face.
There are many accounts about her horrible activities, but this one story
sums up her villainess-on-a-soap-opera persona. First you have to
understand that, in addition to being the mother of Emperor Nero and the
sister of Emperor Caligula, Agrippina was married to Emperor Claudius. I
bet you remember him. You picked up this book, so you strike me as the
kind of person who studied a dead language and watched the I, Claudius
television miniseries with a container of your favorite Ben & Jerry’s ice
cream resting in your lap.
(In college I studied ancient Greek, Late Night Snack is my favorite
flavor, and I’ll be coming to your house next week for a BBC movie night. I
am really looking forward to it!)
But if you need a refresher: Claudius was the fourth emperor of Rome.
He is probably best remembered for his numerous tics including a stammer
and a limp. He was also thought to be partially deaf. The historian
Suetonius wrote, “His knees were weak and gave way under him and his
head shook. He stammered and his speech was confused. He slobbered and
his nose ran when he was excited.” Suetonius also said that his mother,
Antonia, often called him “a monster of a man, not finished but merely
begun by Dame Nature.” If she accused anyone of dullness, she used to say
that he was “a bigger fool than her son Claudius.”
She was wrong. In reality, Claudius was a smart man who needed a
hanky.
Seriously. None of his tics had any influence on Claudius’s very
considerable intellect. Those quirks caused people to assume he was
mentally delayed, though. That was great. If you are transported back to
ancient Roman high society, begin with this pretense. If you show any trace
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