Breadcrumbs by Alicia Wilder EPUB & PDF – eBook Details Online
- Status: Available for Free Download
- Author: Alicia Wilder
- Language: English
- Genre: Contemporary Women’s Fiction
- Format: PDF / EPUB
- Size: 2 MB
- Price: Free
Max
I’m half-dressed in an airport bathroom in Tampa.
I blame my ex.
People around me are hurrying to wash their hands and exit, rolling
bags behind them. A toilet flushes, the sink runs for a moment. The door to
the terminal swings open and slams closed again. “This is your final
boarding call for…” The intercom voice cuts off, the outside sound fading.
I’m alone in a stall, losing my mind.
When I close my eyes to hide from the situation I’ve put myself in, I
can see Ben dressed in nothing but his boxer briefs this morning in our
shared kitchen. Tormenting me with the six-pack he’s developed since our
breakup three months ago. Not only can I not afford to move out, I can’t
afford to stare at my half-naked ex-boyfriend too long or I’ll burn his image
into my brain.
“Ben,” I’d said, trying to be “cool Max,” a Max with a reasonable
request. “This is a shared space. Put some clothes on.”
His “what’s wrong with you?” expression was similar to the one I’m
wearing in all the selfies I’m taking, contorting myself—an average woman
—into poses only a porn star could hold, all while trying to check my outfit.
He’d shrugged and put on a shirt, mumbling, “I didn’t know it bothered
you.”
Internally, I’d cringed at showing my hand, tipping the scales in our
silent battle of “who’s moving on fastest” from the breakup. But of course it
bothers me that my ex-boyfriend is a constant presence in my brain, my
heart, my eyeballs. We still share an 800-square-foot apartment and he’s
also still occupying my heart. Like a squatter. He stopped paying rent on
our relationship, yet I can’t seem to evict him. That’s part of what chased
me to Florida in the first place.
Because he was too cool to actively slide into my DMs, a little over a
week ago Ben had liked one of my social media photos. For the first time
since our breakup.
I’d done the mature thing and unfollowed him after our breakup. I’d
thought we had a silent agreement to give each other the space, digitally,
that we lacked IRL. If I couldn’t rid myself of the emotional mess of our
breakup, at least I could look like I had online. My job is to keep mess
offline and out of the D.C. press, after all. If my boss can keep her personal
life scandal-free as one of three single, female members of Congress—and
the only one under 50—I’d better be able to do the same.
Ben is dating other people already. He sometimes is out late or doesn’t
come home at all. It’s hard not to notice when I sleep in our shared living
room. We exist in what I think is mutual agreement to only discuss things
like rent and who wants to watch TV. Like any normal jilted girlfriend, I
have been pretending to be OK and hoping I can fake it until I make it back
to the land of not even caring when someone mentions his name. Or when I
walk by that Indian place where we used to pick up takeout every Thursday.
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