Back To Me by Kami Holt EPUB & PDF – eBook Details Online
- Authors: Kami Holt
- Language: English
- Genre: Black & African American Urban Fiction
- Format: PDF/ePub
- Size: 1 MB
- Price: Free
Miyana Jackson
“Where the hell is he?!” I huffed as I dialed Tray’s number for the third
time in a row. When we spoke earlier, I told him that I needed him to pick
up my prescription for my antibiotics. Now here it is five hours later with
no sign of him. His phone went straight to voicemail for the third time. I
tried my best to hold it together, but I was hurting so badly. No one warns
you about some of the painful after effects that come with childbirth.
When I tried to breastfeed my son in the hospital, the nurse told me
that my milk would come within days. I had no idea that it would be such a
traumatic experience. Shortly after I came from the hospital, I developed
Mastitis. It’s a condition where your milk ducts become clogged up. My
breasts felt like two giant boulders sitting on my chest. The pain was
excruciating to the point that I couldn’t even lift my own child. Any
movement had me ready to curl up into a ball and cry.
When we got home from the doctor’s office, Tray rushed out of here so
fast, but he promised he would stop by the pharmacy before he came back.
If I had known it was going to take this long, I would have figured out a
way to get them myself. This shit was getting old fast, and I had only been
out of the hospital for one full week. He barely came to any of my prenatal
appointments and damn near missed our son’s birth. His promises were
beginning to sound like a broken record, yet my silly self kept falling for it.
In my mind, I thought that he would do better once our son actually got
here, but clearly it was wishful thinking.
“Wahhhh! Wahhhhh!” Tray Jr. was crying at the top of his lungs in his
soiled diaper. To be honest, I was ready to break down and cry right along
with him. They failed to tell you about how emotionally draining it is once
you actually have your baby. This fairytale image in my mind had me
believing that everything would be perfect once I held my baby for the first
time, but it wasn’t. There was no instant connection followed by hearts and
butterflies.
The anxiety that flowed through me made it almost impossible for me
to even enjoy any of this. I was exhausted, unmotivated, depressed, and
unattached to the beautiful little human that lay before me. That was the
scariest part. All my friends who had children spoke about this incredible
bond that they felt with their baby, but I couldn’t relate. Of course, I loved
him because he was a part of me, but I was struggling to bond with him the
way that I had imagined in my head.
Shame kept me from mentioning it to anyone, so I tried my best to
push through it, praying that this would eventually disappear. A sharp pain
shot through me as I paced around my bedroom. My body was supposed to
be resting after having an emergency c-section, but that was impossible
when you had a new baby with no real support.
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