A Place Not Found by Jen Samson EPUB & PDF – eBook Details Online
- Status: Available for Free Download
- Authors: Jen Samson
- Language: English
- Genre: contemporary romance
- Format: PDF / EPUB
- Size: 2 MB
- Price: Free
LEVI ANDERSON
Four-percent battery.
Why all this psycho mania, you ask? Because, Jesus, who lets their
cell battery get so low.
Me, obviously, because usually, under these, ah, circumstances, the
ability to simply blink is impossible. Charging my phone? Forget about it.
I won’t go into too much detail right now. Thinking makes my head
feel like I have granite rocks in there and someone is banging through them
with a giant pickaxe. Also, I’m having enough trouble dealing with how the
weather matches my mood – miserable and gray and morbid. Although, if I
would’ve had the energy, I might have tolerated the soft pureness of the
light snow. It isn’t really all that gray outside. It’s me. The problem is me.
I’m the one stuck in this soul-sucking rut of grayness and blaming it on the
weather.
I exit the subway station at Seventh Avenue and head south, trudging
through the five blocks to my next nightmare – my brother’s wedding. I
keep my eyes on the ground, making sure I stay within the concrete
sidewalk squares as I walk.
The fact that I’m able to put one foot in front of the other and make
this kind of progress of movement is nothing short of miraculous. And
miracles are much needed right now, since my mother has given me strict
instructions to be in a good mood when I get to the venue.
It’s a wedding, after all. David’s wedding and he deserves at least that
much for putting up with me these last twenty-six years I’ve been alive.
The rehearsal dinner was last week. David texted me to say what better
way to practice being in a celebratory mood. He was kind about it, but still,
not helpful. And I’m acutely aware of how selfish that sounds to the
unsuspecting ear. It was, after all, David’s rehearsal dinner, and no one had
time to deal with the troubled younger brother’s little mood disorder.
You’re an adult now; shouldn’t you be over it, Levi? My mother asked
me last week, when she also told me not to attend if I couldn’t show even
one ounce of happiness for David and my soon-to-be sister-in-law, Mary.
I didn’t go. Not only because I knew I wouldn’t be able to show one
ounce of happiness for David and Mary – even though I really wanted to –
but because I really, actually, literally wasn’t able to get out of bed.
Sometimes, it’s the screams inside my head that keep me buried
between my pillows. Other times, the noise is like a drop of water landing
at the center of my head at precise intervals – like the torture method they
used to use in past centuries. They say even a single, soft droplet of water
can feel like rocks falling on your head after enough time has passed.
That’s what the noise in my head feels like – drip, drip, drip, at first.
Small and unnoticeable. I can handle it.
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