I Hear You by Michael S. Sorensen EPUB & PDF – eBook Details Online
- Status: Available for Free Download
- Author: Michael S. Sorensen
- Publish Date: June 10, 2017
- Language: English
- Genre: Couples & Family Therapy
- Format: PDF/ EPUB
- Size: 2 MB
- Pages: 149
- Price: Free
- ASIN: B071K4MWMK
WHY THIS IS WORTH YOUR TIME
“Being listened to and heard is one of the greatest desires of
the human heart. And those who learn to listen are the most
loved and respected.”
– Richard Carlson
Most people will read the above quote and say, “Sure,
people like to be listened to—no surprise there. If I’m a good
listener, people will love and respect me more.” While that
may be true, there’s a little more to it. Notice the second (and,
I would argue, more important) part of that first sentence:
“Being listened to and heard is one of the greatest desires of
the human heart.” That distinction suggests that there’s a
difference between being listened to and being heard, and that
we as humans crave both.
Have you ever talked to someone who clearly heard the
words you were saying, but didn’t seem to get what you
meant? Or maybe they understood your point, but were
obviously disconnected from the emotion or weight of the
situation? That person listened to you, but didn’t really hear
you. Now, I know that hearing is technically a sense (i.e., our
ears allow us to hear sound), but colloquially, we often use the
phrase, “I hear you” to mean “I understand you” or “I get
where you’re coming from.” It’s that kind of hearing—a true
understanding and connection—that we crave.
So that begs the question: how do you show someone you
really hear them? This is where things get interesting. The
truly good listeners of the world do more than just listen. They
listen, seek to understand, and then validate. That third point is
the secret sauce—the magic ingredient.
DON’T JUST LISTEN, SAY SOMETHING
I dated a woman a while back who was great at listening
but terrible at validating. As I would relate an exciting or
difficult experience to her, she would often sit there with an
unemotional look on her face and, when I finished talking,
look at me as if to say, “Anything else?”
I hit a breaking point one evening after sharing something I
was particularly excited about. As I finished the story (and
calmed down a bit, as I tend to get quite animated in my
storytelling), I looked at her and saw that same rather blank
look on her face. “Cool!” she said.
And that was it.
I paused for a moment longer, expecting her to follow up
with “That’s so exciting!” or “Then what did you do?” or
something that showed me she actually cared about what I had
just shared. I had been talking for several minutes, so a oneword response was surely not all she was going to give.
Nothing.
She just looked back at me with that same plain (though
pleasant) look on her face and eventually asked, “What?”
Okay. What was going on here? She listened to my story,
didn’t interrupt, and seemed pleasant enough in her one-word
response. What was I expecting?
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